Kung-fu Penguin Socks on the Agenda

Happy slave labor to you all, on this contemptible November day.
I must confess that I have been swamped with various world ruling projects recently, that I have failed to finish that list of agendas (agendae? I can never remember which words follow Latin pluralizing in English or not...) I promised. But never you worry, your evil warlord (that's me in case that mind control device hasn't begun to work yet), will have it out in no time.

Meanwhile, I must say that I never imagined to many socks to be sold around the holiday season! You'd think it was cold outside or something, it's absolutely absurd! We sold our entire stock and have had to begin rush manufacturing. Which reminds me, I need to find Carlisle and tell him to take that infernal one-day rush shipping option off of our website. [Editor's note: I just though that since Amazon has it... we'd want to stay competitive] I don't really care what hifalutin website with a jingle has it, we're not able to keep up with all of the web-savvy grandmothers that buy our wool novelty reindeer knee-socks. And you can tell that to Carlisle. [Does he even remember that he sends these posts to me to edit?]

All of these things aside, I was watching Kill Bill the other day, and realized how imperative it is that I learn how to use a Katana effectively. Seriously, if I don't, how will I possibly stand a chance defending myself against kung-fu style assassins? It could be my biggest weakness.... therefore, I am announcing today that I am beginning kung-fu mastery training and katana-swinging awesomeness. Or whatever you call that. Also, I'm ordering a bulk shipment of black lights for my practice room. Which I'm building. Buckle up world, the first ever bad-ass villain with kung-fu and katana skilz, paired with a western business savvy, and ancient magicks in the form of unholy dragon power and chaos-inducing existentialism is coming your way [editorial censorship for: plot points to be revealed later for dramatic effect]. It's going to be crazy awesome, Like an all out Penguin vs. Polar Bear war for Eastern Europe. That's all for now.

Agendas and Mottos.

Carlisle and I have been working tirelessly on an agenda list and a new company motto today. [Editor's note: Technically, I was working hard on both of those things while Mulligan played Tetris on his iphone and pitched absolutely useless mottos at me that he became enamored with. Thus, number four below. Consequently, number two is also lacking in originality]. I thought I would share my top five with you below. Carlisle disagrees with me on nearly all of them, but that's alright. It's not like he's paid to think freely, right? [Actually....ah, nevermind. It's not worth the four hours of Minion Training Seminars...] Anywhoop, here they are in favourite to least favourite order:

1: Mulligan Manufacturing: We make evil look good.
2: Mulligan Manufacturing: Everything is Proceeding as We Have Foreseen
3: Mulligan Manufacturing: The Malevolent Wareaxe to Humanity's Inherent Bardliness.
4: Mulligan Manufacturing: We Wipe the Floor with that Infernal Game, Tetris.
5: Mulligan Manufacturing: Ruling the World, One Sock at a Time
6: Mulligan Manufacturing: We Desire to Rule Over You Because We Care

On a side note, our agenda list is coming along smoothly, and we should have at least a beta version for you by the end of the week. But who am I kidding....it's not like I actually care what you think. Haha. Ha. . . . .
But still, that is something to look forward to.

Greetings Minions.

Or rather, potential employees. My name is Dark Lord Mulligan, and my head of PR here at Mulligan Manufacturing thinks that it would benefit my goals to do a little bit of a "get to know you" campaign via what he calls the "blogsphere." I'm ambivalent...but no matter. I suppose a little so-called "viral marketing" couldn't hurt (which, I am being told, surprisingly, has nothing to do with threats of biological warfare).

So, in response to all of these things, I must admit to you that, yes, I am evil, yes, we do have cookies, and yes, I am awesome. Check that... Carlisle is informing me that we are currently out of cookies. But, I believe it would not be out of the question that, if you do decide to come to the Darkside (i.e. join me), we almost certainly will be able to get you in touch with some cookies. What exactly we are "about," I will be describing to you in the coming weeks, (though to be honest, to describe to you anything more than "ruling the world" seems unnecessary and borderline extravagant). Such a description is made necessary primarily because the folks over at the Evil League of Evil  have standards for this sort of thing, and apparently any sort of public address or new marketing technique that comes into contact with large sections of the public must contain a formal statement of evil intentions (Evil Leage of Evil Manifesto Section 13, Paragraph 7, 1.1.14). Thankfully, Carlisle has read through those documents for me [Editor (Carlisle)'s note: All 1043 pages of it, in addition to all the secondary treatises, laws, and rules of misconduct. I also, ironically, am editing this blog], and has assured me that we are following regulation.

Until next time, this is your evil genius, Dark Lord Mulligan, signing off. Mwaha. *cough*